Kylie Who?

Kylie who? Kylie what? Kylie huh? Those were the only questions asked if people, not just knew my name, but actually used it too. Most of the time it was just “so and so’s friend” or “that girl that sits on the back row and turns cherry red if the teacher calls on her”. That’s who I was, that’s who I ALWAYS thought I would be. The random nobody who was afraid to become a somebody.Little did I know that I was ALWAYS a somebody! What?! A somebody? Me?? No way.But it’s true!Even in my days of doubt, my sorrowful pity, and lonely nights alone in my room scrolling through my instagram feed feeling useless and ashamed, I was still a somebody.The problem?That, that somebody was buried somewhere deep down under piles of self destruction, mounds of negative comparisons and heaps and heaps of uncertainty and doubt. So much so that I didn’t even know there was a somebody down there.But, I’m not here to talk about the problem, I am here to write about solutions. How I, the most self-doubting girl in all of high school, came to believe that I was a somebody.
Solution #1: I’m starting off with the most basic idea that you have heard over and over again. STOP COMPARING. How hard is it really to not compare yourself to others? Of course it’s hard with Instagram, Facebook, and the almighty Pinterest, but I can’t be the only one who is comparing myself to randoms on the street. “Her makeup is gorgeous”, “why is she so skinny”, “ugh I’m so bland compared to her humor”, etc. etc. ETC. it goes on and on and on with NO END. Unless… maybe.. we make it end? We put a stop to that comparing and we instead become more accepting of ourselves. You are not what that other girl isn’t. (Does that make sense?) Just because she gets a million likes, doesn’t mean you aren’t likable, and just because she has a beautiful voice, doesn’t mean you sound like a goat (but if you do, that’s okay, own it anyway). You’re beautiful, she’s beautiful, he is beautiful. We are all beautiful, we just need to accept our OWN beauty.which brings me to my second solution…
Solution #2: LOVE OTHERS. I have absolutely zero idea why, but as soon as I stopped thinking about how ugly someones shoes are or how dumb they act, the love for myself sky rocketed! Maybe it’s because treating others poorly showed me how I really looked at myself? or maybe there is some real psychological reasoning behind it, but what I know is that when I think negatively about someone, I start thinking about what everyone else could be saying negative about me. Everyone has a personality, everyone has a style. As quickly as you start accepting how others look and act, you start to realize how many people accept how you look and act. “If you want to be loved by someone, then love someone!” -Rob Thomas, Things You Said
Solution #3: Now we are taking a more internal spin on this list. Confidence is hard to obtain (duh Kylie that’s why I’m here), but what are we personally doing to find that self-love? Are we at home moping about how your friends are all at a party without you or are you making your personal-night-alone memorable? Do something to help you grow and work on what can help you become the most confident you can be. SET GOALS. Now I’m not saying to go out there and completely change who you are. If you are shy and afraid, then maybe set a small goal of saying hello to another weirdo in the hall. If you are awkward and lonely, make your goal to look forward and smile. Don’t make a goal to immediately gain 16 new friends and raise your hand in school (or church or a PTA meeting or whatever else you do), find small things that can help you grow into your somebody. Our goal is progression, not perfection.
Solution #4: I know not everyone is religious, but I am… in fact- serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is where I learned 97% of these life lessons, which naturally makes one of my solutions: RELY ON A HIGHER POWER. I don’t care if your higher power is God, your mom, nature, your inner spirit, etc., but I want you to find a higher power, someone that can love you and have confidence in you when your own confidence is lacking. It’s up for interpretation, but do it. Please. I promise that finding out how others love you will seriously increase the love you have for yourself.
Solution #5: And now last, but probably most important, please KEEP TRYING. Do not give up on who you are. Don’t sit in that pile of hatred and accept the lack of confidence. Keep going. Keep pushing through. Get up. Say hello to a new friend. Tell yourself your worth. Find a hobby that scares you and try it. You are worth finding confidence in yourself. You are worth figuring out who you are as a somebody.
I’m Kylie. I’ve been a nobody to most people all my life. I was even a nobody to myself, but now I’m a somebody and even if nobody else sees that, I can see it in myself now and you can find it in you.
-Kylie Ray
P.S. If I would have followed these rules, maybe I could have been more than just the girl who played right field in JV softball, or more than that one kid who learned three songs on the guitar before quitting out of fear of never being good enough. That girl was scared of discovering her confidence, but this one is trying to keep it leveled which is why I made this blog. I want to embrace myself. I want to love myself. And, even if this blog goes no where and I’m the only one reading it, I’m glad that I didn’t let the fear stop me from trying.


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