Brace-face Magoo

In third grade I moved far away from my first house, my first neighborhood, my first friends, first life. I was a lonely little kid who baggy shirts and the same snoopy sweat pants everyday. I didn’t ever brush my hair and my pink wire glasses always fell off my freckle infested nose. Most girls have an awkward stage in life, but this was the type of style that leaves your mom and dad questioning their parenting abilities and your sisters using your snoopy pants and red shirt as the brunt of every joke for years to come. I was awkward. I had the personality of an eggplant. The only thing I had going for me was.. well I don’t know.. Point is I was a loser. Now, don’t feel bad about that and don’t think I’m exaggerating for attention. It’s the truth. I was so lame.
Fast forward a few years and I’m sitting in a dungeon called Syracuse Jr. High. A school made entirely out of teenage angst and ugly orange lockers. I had the same friend group which made me feel as if there was always somewhere for me to turn, but I was still so awkward. I was still so lame. And even though I knew how to brush my hair now, it was parted so far off the side of my four head and the color of an actual banana. It’s a miracle I made it out alive with a haircut like that.
Four years later and brace face magoo has taken over high school (just a larger version of the first dungeon) with her blistering acne and shirts that were still three sizes too big. I had just got cut from the softball team, all my friends had ditched me, and assigned seating was my biggest win. Just when you thought I couldn’t get any lamer. I did.
Life wasn’t super great for me and I never had the confidence I dreamed of. I spent about 20 years of my life flying under the radar just hoping and praying no one would notice me.
Now it’s been five years. Just five short years. In the last five years, I lived on my own in Maryland. I went to college -in Idaho- I found true friends. I married the greatest human alive. I got my absolute dream job. I bought a house. I succeeded. I’m still so painfully lame, but I embrace it with open arms. I still have no idea how to dress myself and forget to comb my hair 5 out of 7 days, and some days I still feel as if I’m not good enough. It’s apart of life. We’re all pretty lame, but that isn’t a bad thing. It’s okay. Life isn’t about being lame or cool, it’s about enjoying. And once I realized that the only opinion that mattered of me was my own and God’s, I finally became the human I want to be.

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